I Moderated A Roundtable Discussion About Sex With 15+ Strangers

When Tango’s founder Dana Savage and I hopped on our first call, it was like we had already known each other for years. We immediately hit it off and opened up to each other about our personal lives, beliefs, struggles, work projects, and goals. By the end of our hour-long call, she asked if I’d be interested in moderating the brand’s inaugural Sex Salon where a group of strangers would chat about the exact things we did – intimacy, romance, pleasure products, hookup culture, empathy, etc. My anxiety immediately started screaming “ABSOLUTELY NOT! HELL NO!” but somehow I ignored its incessant cries and accepted her offer right there on the spot. Leading up to the event, I thought of all of the reasons why I wasn’t qualified to lead the discussion (thanks, anxiety and imposter syndrome!), but I drove back home to Long Island that night fully confident that I made the right decision. I learned so much about myself and everyone else with whom I shared that table. We spoke about how our school system’s sex education had failed us, why sex toys are so inaccessible to people who don’t have an “in” with a friend who works at an adult shop or know someone who’s a sex writer with open DMs, and far more personal topics that I won’t share here. Moderating a roundtable discussion about sex with 15+ people I’d never met before was one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing, emotional moments of my life to date, and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have experienced it. [embed]https://www.instagram.com/p/B0_xM_9hms4/[/embed] I’m still internalizing that night at Honey’s in Brooklyn so the words aren’t coming out so easily quite yet. However, I was able to write this post as well as a more in-depth piece for Tango’s new blog and content series Everybody Blogs. I’ll drop the link at the end of this post. Perhaps my biggest takeaway from this roundtable is that we are all similar in more ways than we initially perceive, and it’s time that we work to remove the fear associated with initiating and having these intimidating, important discussions.  I challenge you to expose the things you’ve been hiding in fear of judgment or rejection. I ask you to place your anxieties and insecurities aside and practice vulnerability with a loved one or someone new about something you’re going through. Sure, you may receive mixed reactions, but I promise you’ll be shocked at the positive responses from unexpected people who deeply resonate with your message. By having these conversations, we learn that we’re not so alone and teach others that they’re not alone either. THANK YOU, Tango and Dana, for inviting me to attend and moderate this incredible event. It was an experience I’ll never forget. So excited for the next one! Read my essay for Tango titled “Here’s What I Learned About Vulnerability From Moderating A Roundtable About Sex” here. [embed]https://www.instagram.com/p/B1EZhoXHU2S/[/embed] 

What If This Was Your Last Week To Live?

The future is an illusion which allows us to procrastinate and believe we have time, when all we ever really have is the present moment -- the here, and the now.  What if this was your last week to live?  Only seven days left to make the most out of a life you assumed would last forever. Only 168 hours to jam pack everything you’ve ever wanted to do and everywhere you’ve wanted to go before you die. What would you do? Would you quit your job? Would you confess your love to a secret crush? Would you travel to the place you’ve been dying to see but never took the chance to visit? Would you blow all of your money in Las Vegas on gambling, strippers, and drugs? Would you hide under a blanket and waste away full of regret? Or would you continue living your life as you have been?  Did you accomplish all of your goals? Or do you have unfinished business here? If the latter, why haven’t you taken care of it yet? For reasons out of your control? Because of fear? Or because you assume you have all the time in the world to do it?  What type of legacy would you leave on Earth? What type of imprint would you leave behind? Is it solely a professional one with awards and accolades from your successful career? Or have you changed and impacted the lives of those you met during your time here on a deeper level?  Are you happy with the answers to these questions? This whole concept popped into my mind while sitting at the coffee shop doing some work on my laptop. I wrote about this much down until I had to stop myself because of the overwhelming amount of emotion heating up in my stomach, chest, throat, and face.  (I’m here, still writing, pushing through. Hi.) Is this overwhelm a sign that I’m not living my life to the fullest? Is this what it feels like to have an existential or quarter-life crisis? Or maybe it’s a sign that I’m afraid of dying and death. Either way, I should be able to write about this without feeling like I’m going to cry.  There is one person that I’ve ever met who said that he would be content with dropping dead in the blink of an eye. He claims to have lived life to the fullest and there’s nothing left for him to do here, so he’d be fine with dying at any time.  I don’t understand how anyone can feel this way. I certainly don’t feel that way. I want to live. There’s so much life to live. So much left to do. Accomplish. Experience. Say. Write. Create. Fulfill. Are we living life wrong? Am I living life wrong? The cold, harsh truth is that we never know what’s going to happen -- today, tomorrow, next week, or in five years down the line.  You can walk outside and something tragic and accidental can happen that drastically shakes up your world as you knew it.  You can visit the doctor and receive a terminal diagnosis.  We need to make the most of life right NOW.  The future is an illusion which allows us to procrastinate and believe we have time, when all we ever really have is the present moment -- the here, and the now.  If this was your last week to live, what would you do differently? Which dream destination would you visit? To whom would you say “I love you” that you’ve never said it to before? What would you immediately check off your bucket list? Would you regret working the role you’re currently in instead of following your true passion? Think about that. Then take action.  Do it now.  Go there now.  Say it now.  Take the risk now.  Change your life and follow your heart and pursue your dreams in order to be happy TODAY. Live life to the fullest -- starting now. Because the “now” is all we have, and we never know when it’ll be too late.   Share your answer(s) to these questions below, and please share this post if it resonates with you. 

What To Do & How To Handle When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Have you ever had a dream only for it to fall through? Have you ever set a goal that you were never able to reach? This could be something as simple as going on a date that someone bails on or as major as losing the perfect job after going to school for four years to attain it.  Because I have!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made amazing plans for them to get completely obliterated.  I’ve had countless dreams that never came to fruition, and I’ve imagined hundreds of awesome ideas that never saw the light of day.  I’ve attempted to recreate so many drool-inducing Pinterest meals for them to come out like absolute shit (and yes, I followed the recipes).  I planned to get my Master’s Degree and become a college professor of English, and now I’m freelance writing full-time with a Bachelor of Arts and a few years of digital marketing experience. 

What do you do and how do you handle when things don’t go as planned?

 What happens when something you’ve envisioned working out and lasting forever -- whether it’s a relationship, a career path, or a project -- doesn’t work out or last at all? How do you handle the redirection and the possible disappointment that comes along with it?  My best friend just started her last semester of college this week. It’s almost been five years since I graduated college… which is what’s got me thinking about this very topic -- how some things really don’t go according to plan, no matter how hard you try to plan it out. As I was finishing my BA in English in 2014, I had planned to continue my education at SUNY New Paltz in order to achieve my career goal as a college professor of English. By May, I was officially enrolled to earn my Master’s Degree and work as a TA teaching freshman English literature classes. By June, I registered for and scheduled my first semester’s classes and signed the lease on a beautiful home five minutes away from campus with really cool roommates. I was literally all set.  On July 14, the last day I was due to lock in my student loans, I pulled out of grad school. According to Maryville University’s website, “Tuition can exceed $30,000 at private colleges and $20,000 at public institutions per school year. Textbooks and supplies also figure into the total expenditure required to get a college degree.” No, thanks. So, yeah, I didn’t choose to continue my schooling elsewhere because I didn’t want to repay loans for the rest of my life after coming out of my BA without any debt. I had no backup plan. My friends from college all had plans to go to local universities to get their MAs and PhDs, and I chose to continue working my bartending job at a local Italian restaurant. Cool.  Going to college and earning your degree does not lock you into pursuing a career in the field of your major... Just like putting all of your time, energy, and heart into a relationship does not mean it’s going to last….  Just like spending hundreds of dollars on a fancy camera doesn’t mean you’re going to score a YouTube influencer career. (Yup, I had this dream too.) Plotting out your roadmap to success takes a lot of hard work and dedication. But do we ever account for a backup plan? Or do we just wing it when the wheels fall off?  How are we supposed to healthily cope with things when they fall through and there’s no Plan B? It can be hard. But a simple shift in mindset can transform your devastation into redirection toward something more magical than you could’ve ever imagined. I never thought that I would be blogging and writing for a living. I never thought I’d still be single and learning how to love myself at age 26. Back in high school, I literally thought I was going to be a homeowner and married with kids by now... and that is SO not the case.  But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  I really believe that what is meant to be will be. And when one door closes, another door opens. It all works out for the best, even when we least expect it to. I try to convince myself of those things every day to save my sanity and keep my cool, because no matter how hard you plan things out, the truth is that they just might turn out the exact opposite.  Out of the thousands of times and hundreds of ways in which my plans have completely derailed, I’ve learned so many valuable lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise -- all of which has led me to where I am, who I am, and how I lead my life today. And that’s really crazy to think about.  Life is wild and unpredictable, and we may never know why things play out the way they do. But that’s what makes it so interesting. We just have to ride the waves and see where we wind up on shore -- or who knows? Maybe while swimming for dear life we’ll fall so in love with the sea that we’ll never return back to land. We’ll just have to wait and find out. Read Next: 12 Everday Habits That Will Improve Your Quality Of Life 

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5 Of The Most Valuable Lessons I’ve Learned In 2018

2018 was an incredible, wild, and life-changing year for so many reasons.  It was a significant year of growth, change, and experience in all aspects of my life. In summary... I ventured out of my comfort zone, traveled a lot, met so many amazing new people, lost friends who I still care deeply about, achieved huge goals and set new ones, and closed chapters I never thought would end.  More specifically, over the past year... 

• I left a full-time job and devoted more time to building up my career as a freelance writer.
• I started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu at Maxum BJJ and earned 3 stripes on my white belt.
• I traded in my Honda Civic in exchange for a brand new Jeep.
• I increased my spirituality and began studying dreams, astrology, and numerology.
• I started a YouTube channel.
• I traveled to 7 new locations and went on a 16-day road trip along the east coast with my best friend.

 [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vwDyHehNSU&list=PLKIFdJAmFJqhNAKu0vFTkrHtSB_juJhFC[/embed] Related: The Ultimate Guide On How To Plan A Road Trip On A Budget Through the relationships I’ve built and the things I’ve experienced over the past 365 days, I learned so many lessons that I will apply and carry into the new year and the rest of my life.  

Here are 5 of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned throughout 2018:

Life doesn’t always work out according to plan...

 ...but it always plays out the way it should. No matter how hard you try to plan your life down to the hour, day, month, or year, sometimes the universe has a different plan for you.  Sometimes you need to get completely thrown off course in order to stumble onto the path that’s best for you. Sometimes your biggest goals need to be absolutely obliterated so you can dream up better ones. Sometimes you need to end friendships and relationships in order to meet new people who will shape your life in ways you never thought possible.  Whatever happens (whether you planned it or not), everything always works out for the best as long as you trust in the process and keep your head held high.  

Be open and vulnerable.

 A couple of months ago, somebody said to me “You want love so badly, but you’re so scorned from your past that you don’t trust anybody.”  Hearing this shook me to my core and had me ugly crying my entire drive home, but once I let the words sink in I realized that what this person said was 100% true. How am I supposed to let love in if I don’t let my guard down? I’ve been working on being more open, vulnerable, and trusting ever since, and I hope doing so will enable me to find both the self-love and the healthy, romantic relationship that I’ve been seeking for so long.  

Honest communication is key.

 I’ve always been a painfully honest person, but this year I learned to open up to others and communicate my deepest wants and needs in all areas of my life, which was nerve-racking but really empowering.  Be honest with yourself and others. Express how you feel, and own it. Say “no” when you want to. Say “yes” when you want to. And hold your ground. Your relationships and self-esteem will flourish. If you don’t stand up for yourself, your values, and what you believe in, no one else will.  

Never settle for mediocre.

 I’ve found that SO MANY PEOPLE (TOO many people) go through life accepting the mediocre -- relationships, jobs, etc.  Fuck that. It’s better to be single than stuck in a relationship with someone you don’t love. It’s better to be struggling financially doing what you love than working a job you absolutely despise.  Ask for more. Actually, DEMAND more.  How the hell do you expect to be happy if you don’t go after what you truly want? Life is what you make of it. You can create the life you’ve always wanted or you can stay stagnant and always dream of what could’ve been. The choice is yours. 

Don’t be afraid to let go.

 Change is inevitable -- you either accept it and move forward or get stuck behind full of worry and frustration. What’s meant for you will stay or come back around in due time.  As scary and intimidating as it may be, letting go of people, things, and ideas that no longer serve your best, highest self clears the space for better people, things, and ideas to come in… and that’s a lot more exciting than clinging onto the past for dear life. I’m heading into 2019 a very different person than I was entering 2018 -- and I’m so excited about it. I’m looking forward to applying these lessons, learning more lessons, and continuing to share my journey with you over the coming year.  Thank you for reading, whether this is a one-time thing or you've consistently read my content. It means more to me than you know.  Cheers to a happy, healthy new year ahead! Happy 2019, everyone. Read Next: 33 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Set And Keep

6 Reasons Why I Absolutely Love My Job As A Freelance Writer

I’m a freelance lifestyle and marketing writer, and I love my job for so many reasons.  And to everyone who’s reading this who knows me and never had any idea how I make money or what I do for work, now you know! I worked the 9-5 office grind for three years. I was a server and a bartender at a million different restaurants for seven years. I even partnered up with a friend and started a B2B web development, marketing, and branding company back in 2015.  But as good as the money was, and as fun as some of those jobs were, I never truly felt a sense of fulfillment or accomplishment when the clock struck 5 PM or my shift ended.  And that mattered to me more than the paycheck I was earning at the end of every week. Fast forward to right now, ten years after starting my very first job as a cashier at Toys-R-Us during the holiday season (yep, that happened)... I feel happy, I feel fulfilled, and I truly enjoy what I do for a living. The money I make doing it is just a bonus.  

Here are a few of the reasons why I absolutely love my job as a freelance writer:

The freedom, the independence, and the level of creative expression I have on a daily basis.

 In this position, I am fully in charge -- including all of the progress I make, the level of success that I reach, and the lessons that I learn along the way. I personally create all of the work that I submit to my clients, and I manage the entire process from start to finish.  Being the only one in control of my career is terrifying at times, but that same fear is also incredibly motivating. It’s what pushes me to open my laptop and get shit done every day, even when I’m too exhausted to answer one more email.  Remote freelancing is exactly what enables me to live my life (and work) on my own terms.  I train Brazilian jiu-jitsu four nights a week. I regularly get lunch with friends or my parents. I can make doctors appointments for any time on any day. I set my alarm for 9 AM every morning, and if I happen to stay up until 4 AM for whatever reason, I can sleep a little bit later without an issue because I don’t have any crazy time constraints. I know all of my deadlines and I make sure that I always complete my assignments ahead of time before they’re due. 

I can do my work from anywhere at any time (as long as I have wifi).

 I’ve written articles on flights.  I’ve sent invoices from my phone while visiting friends in other states.  I’ve answered emails while watching early-morning mountain fog roll in.  I’ve brainstormed pitches while driving to doctors appointments.  I’ve taken client calls in the car while road-tripping the east coast with my best friend.  Typically, I work from local coffee shops throughout the week. I also enjoy working from the comfort of my apartment on my couch. Regardless of where I go or what time I do it, the fact of the matter is that I can work from my bed or the seat of an airplane, at 12 PM or 3 AM, which is pretty damn cool and insanely freeing.  

I work alongside fascinating people and connect with really cool brands.

 Perhaps my favorite part of my job is the people I get to work with and the exciting campaigns I’m a part of.  I mainly work alongside entrepreneurs, content managers, and CEOs -- but every company and each point-of-contact is so drastically different than the next.  My job is extremely creative in nature, and I have so much fun brainstorming with and creating quality content for incredible people and brands.  I’ve produced content for gyms, social media influencers, healthcare products, food and drink companies, fashion brands, popular blogs, tech startups, SEO agencies, and digital marketing firms. What I do is help get brand messages out to the public in fun and engaging ways -- through storytelling, informative how-to guides, and other shareable content forms and topics.  

I drive results for these incredible businesses based on my creative work… and that’s super empowering as a 26-year-old woman.

 I’ve written articles that increased sales for mobile and web-based applications by over 300%.  I’ve shined a light on and spread the word about newer businesses with powerful missions by publishing content for them on popular digital publications.  Articles I’ve written have ranked in the first position on Google’s search engine results pages (SERPs), helping to maximize brand awareness and visibility.  The content I’ve published has attracted thousands of readers and kept them on the page long enough to decrease bounce rates and improve analytics and overall website authority.  Did I lose you on the marketing jargon? Oops.  I’m extremely proud of the work I create and how it resonates with readers. Even though my friends don’t understand my job, I feel accomplished at the end of the day knowing I’m driving notable results for my clients and helping good people make more money.  But more importantly… 

I create content that literally changes people’s lives.

 I write and share my insights on topics I enjoy and am passionate about, which directly affects and impacts the readers of my content.  I’ve influenced people to lose weight, get out of toxic relationships, save money, change their diet, become happier, and improve their lives. I contribute my content every week to Betches and Hint Water’s The Quench. I also submit articles to BuzzFeed and The GentleManual. And when I find the spare time, I write on my own blog hawk + pearl (where you are right now, hi).  These publications share a combined total audience of over 1,000,000 monthly readers… I repeat OVER 1,000,000 PEOPLE!  That’s wild. I am SO grateful for the opportunity to write for these platforms on a regular basis because of the potentially positive impact I can make on people’s lives through them. And that’s worth more than any monetary value you can place on writing a 500 or 1,000-word article. The last reason why I love my job as a freelance writer? As if you couldn’t already tell... 

I LOVE what I do.

 When I started my blog back in 2016, I never thought I’d be where I am doing what I’m doing now. I just did it to do it and get my thoughts out on (digital) paper rather than flying around my brain with no better place to go.  I’ve always enjoyed writing. I never did it with the intent of making money.  I am beyond blessed to earn an income from my hobby and passion. This is a dream come true for me, and I am so happy to do what I love every day of my life. When the going gets tough, and I feel swamped, and I don’t feel like coming up with another article pitch, I think back to all of the times I worked a job I hated or felt stuck in an office and looked out the window and dreamt of doing what I’m doing now… then I STFU and remember why I do what I do and continue to do it. And that’s because I love it.  My whole point of writing this post is this:  If you have a dream, chase it. Whatever it is. It’s possible, and it’s worth it. I promise. I did it, and I do it, and so can you. Thanks for reading! What’s your dream job? And is it what you’re doing now? If not, how do you plan to change that? Please feel free to comment your thoughts below or write to me privately at morgan@hawkandpearl.com. I’d love to share my insight with you and chat about how you can start pursuing your dream too. 

How Lyme Disease Has Changed My Life

Not many people know this, but I have Lyme disease. I was bitten by a tick while hiking a trail in Cold Spring Harbor back in September and was diagnosed with Lyme about a month later in October.  Long story short, the tick was burrowed inside the inner calf of my left leg for about a month before it was extracted, which, thankfully, is short enough to avoid any serious long-term damage but, unfortunately, long enough to cause some health issues. As a result, the way I live my everyday life has drastically changed -- from the foods I eat and the drinks I drink to the way I exercise, the amount of stress I can handle, and the amount of sleep I need every night.  Imagine being sleepy but you’re not able to drink tea or coffee to wake you up. Yeah, that’s how I feel every day of my life.  In case you were wondering, Lyme disease is no joke... and it absolutely sucks. 

First Things First… What Is Lyme Disease?

 Lyme disease is a tick-borne infectious disease (I believe it’s also considered an autoimmune disease). The most common tick species which carries the Lyme bacteria is the deer tick (or blacklegged tick), and they exist in different sizes -- nymph ticks are tiny, specifically about the size of a pencil tip, whereas adult ticks are larger and more visible.  Once bit by an infected tick, it releases and transmits the inflammatory disease into your body in the form of spiral-shaped bacteria called spirochetes. These spirochetes penetrate deep into your muscles, nerves, and tissues -- all of which can potentially degenerate and become disabled without immediate, strong, and effective treatment. Fun fact: Ticks are not considered insects. They are actually classified to be arachnids like spiders. Fun fact #2: They are the worst. :') 

Ingrown Hair Or Tick: An Idiotic Autobiography By Yours Truly

 So here’s my story.  Last September, I went for a hike with Mel and her dog Ozzy. We hiked an entire trail over in Cold Spring Harbor right by the water. When we finished, we checked ourselves for ticks. Neither of us found anything at the time, but I got bit by a tick that would end up giving me Lyme disease. 

*WARNING: UPCOMING TMI ABOUT REMOVING THE TICK*

 A few weeks later, I mistakenly thought the nymph tick burrowed into the inner calf of my left leg was an ingrown hair. When I pulled it out with a tweezer, the ingrown hair didn’t really look like a hair at all (and that’s because it actually had a body and legs).  A day or so after its removal, my calf grew inflamed. The removal site became surrounded by a big, red, circular rash (AKA the quintessential “bullseye” rash symptom from Lyme which I mistook for irritation from my poking and prodding). Then it started to pus. Thinking it was fixable, I applied some Bacitracin and a band-aid over it and hoped for the best.  Then came the symptoms.  

What Were My Symptoms?

 Shortly after, I started to feel really ill. I thought maybe just my iron level was low, but then that illness proceeded to get worse each and every day -- and that’s when I knew something was seriously wrong.  Here are a few of my more prominent symptoms: 

• Shortness of breath: I would be out of breath after getting up to go to the bathroom.

• Bruising: I had insane bruises on my body, all of which took forever to heal.

• Irregular heartbeat: My heartbeat was irregular and extremely fast even when sitting still.

• Extreme fatigue: I was SOOOOO TIRED. I’m always shot, but I was literally glued to my couch and grew more tired at the thought of moving. I couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning.

• Poor brain function: My brain also wasn’t working right. I couldn’t concentrate or speak in proper sentences and I struggled to find the right words to say.

• Poor vision: I was having trouble seeing straight. My vision was so blurry, and I couldn’t focus my eyes.

• Decreased appetite: I went from being a girl with an insatiable appetite who went to bed excited to eat breakfast in the morning to someone who had to force herself to eat throughout the day. THIS was one of the main telltale signs that something was wrong.

• Numbness, pain, and tingling: Finally when I started feeling pain and numbness in my tongue, joints, legs, arms, and other extremities, I knew it was time to figure out what was going on once and for all.

 So with a push from my coworker, I went to a local blood doctor on my lunch break... and thank god I did. 

The Diagnosis Process

 At the doctor’s office, the nurse drew a million vials of blood and took a bunch of vitals. A few days later, the doctor called me while I was on my way to work and he said, “so your iron level is low, but everything else came back normal.” Yay! Then he casually asked, “also, do you know you have Lyme disease?”  That’s how I found out I had Lyme disease.  I obviously said no. He acted like it was no big deal and called in a prescription to my pharmacy... and that was that.  After we hung up, I cried, called my parents, broke the news to them, and was convinced that my life was over. I went to work 10 minutes later, immediately told my bosses what was going on, then left to go pick up my medication. 

Antibiotics, Herxes, & Feeling Like Death: The Process Of Getting Rid Of The Disease With Medication

 During the treatment process, you get worse before you get better due to the fact that your body is killing off those toxic bacteria and spirochetes. The die-off of these spirochetes is called a herx reaction, and it literally makes you feel like you’re dying yourself. Related: On Death And Dying I was on extremely strong antibiotics (I believe Doxycycline?) twice a day for two weeks. Research states that a typical Lyme treatment cycle is about 3-4 weeks of non-stop antibiotics or even a steady antibiotic drip IV in the hospital.  A few months and more blood work later, my doctor said I was okay and didn’t need to come back anymore. It’s been 3 months since I’ve last seen him.  

How Does Lyme Disease Affect My Everyday Life After Treatment?

 So, what’s it like living with Lyme disease? It’s been about 7-8 months post-treatment, and I feel 1,000,000x better. However, Lyme never truly goes away or leaves your system, so now I’m left with lingering side effects and a changed lifestyle.  Here’s how Lyme has impacted my life every day over the course of the last few months: 

• Diet: I try to eat an anti-inflammatory diet. I can’t eat white bread/rice/sugar/flour, processed products, or sugars. If I eat like shit, I feel like shit. Too much alcohol can also be detrimental to my health and even trigger my depression. Oh, and I can’t drink caffeine anymore either. I MISS TEA AND COFFEE (RIP to the container of dark roast Trader Joe’s coffee grinds wasting away in my kitchen cabinet).

• Sleep: I need a lot more sleep in order to feel okay -- specifically about 7+ hours every night. If I run on less than 7 hours of sleep, I will be absolutely drained throughout the day.

• Energy: I regularly have low energy and I fatigue easily (easier) when exercising. When training BJJ, I lose my breath and have to sit on the wall to catch my breath after going live with one or two people. My friends say I’m just out of shape, but it’s due to my Lyme.

• Emotions: I feel more chronically depressed and overly emotional.

• Stress: Stress affects me more seriously. I have to keep stress levels and negativity in my life at a low or else I can have a symptom flare-up. If I’m super stressed, I can become really sick.

• Everything else: I still get random numbness every now and then. I still get really bad headaches. My vision is still blurry, so much so that I have to wear my glasses all of the time. I have a horrible memory (even worse than before). I still can’t recall the right words to say and I take a while to complete my sentences. I might have actually become a space cadet.

 Although my experience has had its fair share of issues, I am beyond grateful to be impacted on a much smaller scale compared to those who have gone undiagnosed and untreated for months or YEARS and ended up with serious, chronic medical complications as a result.  

What Helps To Relieve Lyme Symptoms?

 Thankfully, there are certain things I (and you!) can do to lessen the burden of living with this disease. Here are some therapeutic things I’ve found that help to relieve my Lyme symptoms and decrease the frequency and amount of symptom flare-ups I get: 

• Eating a clean, anti-inflammatory diet
• Exercising in moderation
• Keeping active
• Being happy
• Doing things I enjoy
• Drinking alcohol less frequently
• Drinking water and staying hydrated
• Medical marijuana (beware of your state's laws regarding cannabis)
• Cutting out/down my sugar intake
• Cutting out caffeine entirely
• Decreasing my stress load
• Increasing the amount of sleep I get

 Overall, I’m just trying to live my best life as healthy and happy as possible. My mom recently told me not to go hiking anymore because I could suffer from a major flare-up if I get another tick bite. Of course, I understand her concern because she’s right, and that’s a scary reality I have to face, but I refuse to accept that option. I won’t let Lyme disease ruin my life or prevent me from doing the things I love, because life is too beautiful to be destroyed by living in fear of risks and things out of our control.  Thank you for reading my story. If you have been affected by Lyme, please feel free to share your experience in the comments below. Also, if you have any questions about what Lyme disease is or want to talk about something I’ve mentioned in this post, please don’t hesitate to ask or drop a note below.  

REMINDER! Please be safe when hiking, and always, always, ALWAYS check yourself for ticks after going through grassy or wooded areas. Nymph ticks are TINY! Enjoy the outdoors but be careful.

 Here's a helpful tool to use if you're ever concerned you may have been bitten by an infected tick: Lyme disease checklist from lymedisease.org. You Might Also Like: 3 Positive Habits That Will Change Your Life 

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An Open Letter To Every Love Lost

This letter is dedicated to every person I’ve fallen in love with, to the close friendship that ended, to the one I steadily dated, to those who came into my life and stayed for only a little while, to all of the ones I thought were “the one,” to the ones who broke my heart, to the ones that healed my heart, and the rest who hold a special place in my heart. I’m an empath, and I feel too much. I have a brain overflowing with memories from yesterday and years ago that get stuck on replay from time to time. I fall head over heels for strangers in grocery stores and the people I swipe right on dating apps. It’s both a blessing and a curse.  If we haven’t talked in a while, chances are I think about you more than you think I do. To be honest, I probably think of you regularly -- maybe even daily. If I hear a song that reminds me of you or a moment we shared, I’ll get that sudden punch-to-the-gut and choke-in-the-throat feeling. I might fight to hold back tears or even skip the song if it hurts too much. I might smile and laugh to myself. I might do all of the above. (do I sound psychotic yet?) Well, I believe you came into my life for a reason. Whether you made me learn a valuable lesson, showed me something new, brought me to a new place, or taught me a new skill -- whether we ended on civil terms or one of us is still blocked on social media, know that I appreciated and still appreciate you and what we had.  The end of our relationship may have been hard to get over -- hell, it still hurts to think of some of you. It’s hard to “get over” people you care about. We had amazing times together. We made memories and shared stories and life goals and dreams and fears with one another. We traveled far and wide and sang in the car on the top of our lungs. We stayed up late and talked until early morning when we had important things to do the next day. We got drunk and confessed secrets and poured our hearts out and laughed way too hard over the dumbest shit. Even though that’s all behind us now, we had a fucking blast. So, to all of you, thank you. Thanks for showing me that I can learn to trust again, smile again, laugh again, and love again. It may not have worked out between us, but one day it will work out for you, and it will work out for me. You might have already found a new best friend. You might have already found the one. Maybe someone who treats you better than I did; someone who loves you harder than I could; someone who gives you what I couldn’t. Whatever you find, whoever you keep, I hope you get what you deserve and you are truly content with what you have right now… and I hope you’d wish the same for me.  Love always,

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Of Living Alone

Living alone is an absolutely incredible experience. It is one that I strongly believe everyone should have the opportunity to do at one point in their life. It’s wild how drastically different it is living on your own as compared to coexisting with other people, whether family or friends or a significant other. What happens when you live alone? What’s so different? What’s so great about it? Is it awesome? Do you get lonely? This is my shot at describing what it’s like to live by yourself -- the best parts, the worst parts, the pros and cons, the things you do, and the things you realize along the way.  

Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of living alone:

 1. You can take your pants off whenever.Sorry to start off on the no pants note… but it had to happen.2. You can take your pants off wherever.3. You’re able to invite absolutely anybody over at any time.4. You don’t have to answer to anyone.5. You cook at 2:30 in the morning.6. And drink alone until 2:30 in the morning.7. And Netflix and chill alone.8. You bundle up on your couch in a blanket and sweats for hours.9. You walk around naked. Being able to walk out of the shower completely naked for however long you want is unreal.10. You make the rules.11. You buy plants. ...you feel responsible enough to buy and take care of plants! lol12. You kill plants. I recently killed my bonsai plant by placing my space heater on HIGH directly next to it. Sorry, bud.RIP13. You get scared. It can be creepy living alone, especially at night or if you hear a weird sound. 14. You eat like absolute crap.15. You somehow lose weight... then gain it right back.16. You get to decorate and buy home decor exactly like you've always dreamed of doing.17. You learn how much different it is to food shop for one person as opposed to 3-5 people.18. You learn which foods you have to eat in what period of time to avoid them going bad.19. You waste a lot of money on food that will go bad.20. You buy and burn a shit ton of candles.You'll never have enough candles.21. You (temporarily) brag.“My apartment…” “I miss my apartment” “I lo0ove my apartment” “My landlord...”22. You dress like an idiot.Because who cares? No one’s going to see you.23. You chill on the couch for an entire weekend because you can.24. You hibernate. For days... like your friends will call you out on and be pissed at you for all your Snapchats of your TV from your couch.25. You leave dishes in the sink.26. You feel irrationally empowered taking out your own garbage.27. Your place becomes the new go-to hang out spot with your friends.28. When people come over, you want them to get the fuck out so you can be alone.29. But you get sad when people leave. Really sad.30. You get lonely. Really lonely.31. You feel awesome. Really awesome.32. You hate yourself for waiting as long as you did to move out on your own.33. You feel like a boss paying rent every month.$$$$$...and sigh about how much money you’re throwing away instead of saving every month.34. You quickly realize the value of money.35. You feel adult and old.36. You begin to cherish and enjoy your personal time and space.37. You feel a sense of accomplishment.38. You are truly proud of yourself.39. You are independent.40. You are free.God, it feels good too.41. You realize all of these things.42. ...then you remember you have to clean... and vacuum, wipe down windows and mirrors, do laundry, do towels, clean the shower... and the toilet.Ugh. What did you realize once you started living on your own? Did you start doing something you never did before? What’s your good, bad, and ugly of living alone? Let me know in the comments below! You May Also Like: 17 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, HAWK + PEARL!

Today officially marks one year since I launched hawk + pearl. ONE WHOLE YEAR. 365 DAYS. 52 WEEKS. 12 MONTHS. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN LIVE FOR THAT LONG. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? When I started this project, I was sticking out the latter half of my two-weeks notice at a full-time job (which prompted me to write this post: The “American Dream” Is Not A Dream At All). I was pretty confused about my future but I was good -- and I was super excited to finally start this blog and have a home for my personal writing once and for all.   Over the past 365 days, I've learned so much about writing and the power of connecting with others through words. I've also learned a lot about myself and have grown both mentally and emotionally in the process. It’s so wild to re-read old posts and re-experience moments of happiness and heartache and analyze how I’ve chosen to convey my feelings during those times through what I’ve written. Whether through writing or photography or whatever best suits you, I highly recommend finding a way to document your own thoughts and experiences... it's actually really awesome.  I could go on and on about how time goes so incredibly fast and blahblahblah, but I’ll spare you. Reflecting on this past year, here's what I feel is most important to say: To every single one of you who have ever read a post of mine, and to those of you who have made it a point to come up to me in person or text me or write to me and say you love my blog and read every post… from the bottom of my heart, and with my whole heart, THANK YOU! Your feedback is what motivates me to continue writing and keep this thing going (although I don’t publish nearly enough as I’d like to). I appreciate you beyond what any words or blog post could ever express.  So cheers to another year of experiences that inspires content that enables us to connect a little bit better. Cheers to supporting each other’s creativity and decisions to pursue what we love. Cheers to endless possibilities and awesome opportunities. Cheers to a happy, healthy, and successful future. Cheers, and with so much love, thank you again. Morgan --- Here are some of my favorite blog posts from this past year:4 Lessons Learned From My Recent Trip To Florida17 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger SelfWhat It’s Like To Not Be A Party Girl On The Weekends, Or Ever Here are some of the most popular blog posts from this past year:Bumble BFF App Review: How My First BFF Date Went DownHarry Potter Fan Creates The Ultimate HP Monopoly-esque Board Game Called "Pottopoly"On Death And Dying 

On Death And Dying

How can life bless us with something as warm and beautiful as a sunset, yet give us something as harsh, cold, and incomprehensible as death?  That’s what this post is about in one 140-character sentence that’s small enough to fit within a tweet. I received a phone call today from one of my favorite college professors. I know he hasn’t been doing well, so the news shouldn’t have been a shock, but nothing hurts your heart quite like hearing the words “I’m dying” after asking how somebody you care about is doing.  As I heard his words and my brain registered their meaning, I had locked eyes upon the blossoming cherry tree standing tall outside my bedroom window. Its branches filled with hundreds of pink and white colored flowers are the epitome of the arrival of spring, yet somehow in that moment, it felt like fall.  Even in his current state of health, he set the time aside to call and extend an invite to his home so he could let me raid his bookshelves, because he knows just how much I love to read. How could someone as thoughtful as this be caused so much pain? How could someone so special and kind and full of life be robbed of the opportunity to experience old age and watch his grandchildren grow up? Why was he forced to retire from the job he loved so much in exchange for a new full-time position battling terminal cancer? After hanging up the phone, I went to the lake in an attempt to clear my head. I stood there, watching the sun set and the waves rush back and forth to and from shore, while simultaneously frozen, staring off into space. A million thoughts bounced around in my brain, but I couldn’t seem to focus. The wind was cold, piercing through my thin, black cardigan, but somehow, I didn’t feel a thing.  Standing below the color-changing sky, I found myself asking why. It’s hard to grasp the fact that once we “go” we’re gone forever. How is it possible? How is it possible to be here one moment and not the next? Why do the good ones go first and the bad ones outlive the rest? Why do the most loving people go through the most heartache? Why? Why? Why? The universe doesn’t burden us with anything we can’t handle, but something I’ve struggled with is the concept of death and dying. “You’ve seen too much of this in your life, too young,” my mom said when I told her the news -- and I guess maybe I have. I’ve lost pets, relatives, my first grade teacher, a friend while in high school, a close friend while in college, my grandmother, an ex-boyfriend, and now I’m about to lose one of my favorite college professors. Everything seems so trivial when faced with death. Text messages and Snapchats unanswered, an argument with a friend over something stupid, the asshole who cut you off on your morning commute to work -- what’s the point of stressing over such miniscule, unimportant “issues” when they aren’t even “issues” at all? What’s the point of stressing when you’re taking your breaths for granted while others are fighting to take their last? When none of that shit matters and it’s all about the little things like how much love you gave and acquired, how many sunsets you’ve watched, how many hearts you’ve healed, how many laughs hurt your stomach and teared your eyes, how many stars you’ve counted, how many smiles you’ve inspired, how many lives you’ve touched?  Some things we’ll never understand. Some things we’re not meant to understand. I am a firm believer in the saying “Everything happens for a reason” but sometimes those reasons will never reveal themselves. We can only hope that it’ll all make sense in the end. Until then, we have to keep our heads high and our spirits higher and pray it’ll all be okay, which it will. We just have to keep faith and keep on going and keep living life to the fullest every day while we’re granted the blessing to live.

How Is It Possible To Balance Life, Work, And Play?

I went out yesterday with a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in awhile, including some who asked how my blog is going. Although I regularly receive a nice flow of site traffic and positive feedback from readers, I found myself responding negatively to their question.  Technically, it’s going well, but the truth is that I’m slacking... hard. The truth is that I find myself too caught up to write on a regular basis anymore. It’s been almost two full months since I wrote and published something on here. Finding topics to write about isn’t even the problem. I have a million things floating around in my brain, but somehow I can’t bring myself to sit down and actually dedicate the time to getting it out of my head and onto this site to share with you guys.  That’s what brings me to write this post.  As time goes on, we accumulate an ever-growing list of things we’ve brushed off that should have been taken care of a long time ago. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months, and before we know it, we’ve procrastinated to the point of complete disregard.  Whether it’s a writing a blog or making a phone call or scheduling an appointment or making the time to see somebody or do something, we get so caught up in the everyday routine that an inconsiderate amount of time ends up passing by. It’s easy to say life gets in the way, which it sometimes does, but there must be a deeper reason that lies behind the excuses.  Why are we not making time for what we really want to or need to be doing? Why do we fall victim to the excuse of being “too busy” to get something done? How do we balance life, work, and play? How are we supposed to balance responsibilities with hobbies and a social life and everything else life throws our way without losing our minds or failing to do what we love? Is there a set way to accomplish this, a tip to use, or a simple rule to follow that helps make this possible? Maybe we don’t prioritize things the way we need to, and our real priorities take the hit as a result. Maybe we work too hard then crash when we finally get down time, and wind up never getting around to doing the things we know we should. In order to fix this, maybe all we need to do is sit down and figure out what and who is most important and deserving of our energy rather than coming up with faulty reasons as to why they don’t, then make sure they receive the proper amount of attention from that point forward. If we care about something or someone, we make the time, we put in the effort, and we get shit done -- no excuses.  Maybe this isn’t a universal issue and I’m the only one struggling with this. Who knows? What I do know is that I have a really blessed life, and I’m grateful for everything and everyone in it. I'm especially thankful that my inability to publish a blog post every week is the driving cause of writing this article and not anything more serious. I just can’t help but wonder if it’s possible to easily balance life, work, and play while still being able to have time leftover at the end of the day.  Thanks for reading! If you relate to this post or not, please let me know in the comments below. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

3 Positive Habits That Will Change Your Life

Hi, all! I hope you’re doing well and your new year is off to a happy and healthy start. We’re already approaching the end of February, which is insane because I feel like the year literally just started. I wanted to take the time to share some things I’ve been doing this year that I feel you should be doing as well. These three habits that I recently picked up have helped me live a better life in regard to my finances, my mentality, and my goals, and I’m writing this in hopes that they’ll do the same for you. 

Here are 3 positive life-changing habits you should pick up as soon as possible:

1) Create and implement a monthly spending budget.

 Whether you want to understand where your money goes each month or you want to start saving better, the best (and only) way to do it is to follow a strict spending budget. Want to go on vacation but don’t have the funds? Go out to eat or drink too often and need to adjust your priorities? Have a bad shopping habit and need to reel yourself in? To create a budget, all you have to do is take an hour or two to sit down and lay out how much you can afford to spend on what every month as compared to your income. At the end of every month, assess how you performed and re-evaluate as necessary. (In my first draft of this post, I laid out my entire how-to on creating a budget but realized it was way too long. I’ll be posting it in the future in case you want to keep an eye out.) Being able to visualize exactly what you spent your money on helps you to adjust your spending habits, spend smarter, and save better. By doing so, you’ll be able to afford that vacation or purchase that high-priced item a lot sooner. 

2) Maintain a checklist of things you want to do and goals you want to achieve.

 I have a vision board in my bedroom hanging directly behind my desk (where I typically sit when I’m in my room). Here’s what it looks like:It’s extremely large (36” x 24”) and full of notes, photos, and to-dos. I have pictures of my family on the left, inspirational quotes and photos in the middle, and goal/visualization photos of cars/homes/other things I want on the right. Across the bottom of the board is a large section dedicated to my to-dos. My main “To Do List” is located in the most visible spot in front of where my seat is (the white sheet of paper shown above), and it lists my short-term goals (to complete within 1-6 months) and my long-term goals (to complete within 6-12 months). Additionally along the bottom are tons of post-it notes created on-the-fly that are pinned in any open spot with ideas to research and things to take care of sooner than later. I update this section regularly. Why do I do this?Being able to SEE what you need to do or work for is key to getting it done. Whenever I finish a task or achieve a goal, I cross it off the list. Reminders that I have to succeed and reminders that I have already succeeded are motivation for me to keep going -- this is what keeps me on track. What do you have to do to make a vision board?Buy a large poster board and fill it with everything mentioned above (or whatever you want). Check Pinterest for ideas from other boards. Above all, make a checklist of the things you want to do, places you want to go, and the goals you want to achieve by year’s end. I promise it’ll help you make it all happen. 

3) Focus on your well-being and improving your overall quality of life.

 How’s your year going? If your immediate thought was that the year is going well, then good for you! If your answer is anything less than that, it’s time to make changes. It’s time to start focusing on yourself and improving your quality of life. How can you do this? Do any or all of the following things: Surround yourself with as much positivity as possible.Eliminate toxic people from your life.Focus on growing within your job.Treat yourself every now and then (whatever this means to you).Eat those cookies but also get to the gym. Spend some time in nature once a week.Spend less time on your phone and on social media.Listen to good music.Cook more.Eat better food and drink more water.Do what makes you happy.Be with people who make you happy.Be the type of person who makes you happy. It may be difficult to make the necessary changes in order to live a better life, but complacency kills. Comfortability is nice, but pushing the boundaries and exploring new possibilities is nicer. Take better care of yourself so you can take better care of others. Do what you have to in order to put yourself closer to (or at) the top of your list of priorities and watch everything else fall into place. Not happy? Become so. When you become happy, life becomes a lot more enjoyable in return. And that’s it!  I know this was a long post -- I’m a wordy person -- but I hope you see value in what I’ve written here and you’ll implement these three changes to your life as necessary. If you enjoyed this post, please share on Facebook and Twitter so we can all start living better this year and moving forward. Also feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks for reading. :) Related Post: 25 Natural Stress Therapies That Don’t Require Medication 

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Snow Day Playlist: 12 Of My Favorite Songs To Listen To Lately

Disclaimer: This is a compilation of my favorite songs as of late. By “snow day playlist,” I’m referring to a list of songs that I’m playing on this snow day that I think you should be listening to as well.  It’s snowing outside. It’s cold. We’re stuck inside (I’m not off from work, but that’s what happens when you work from a laptop for a living). You’re probably bored. Let’s listen to some music. 

Here are 12 songs that are perfect to listen to on snowy days like today:

“Electric” by Alina Baraz & Khalid

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwWrSR8SFEc[/embed]Easily my #1 song that I've had on repeat lately. 

“Pulling Me In” by Phantoms

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=preDQQSo168[/embed]This is the newest song from the boys in charge that was just released last week. They teased this song when I saw them live back in December, and the official track does not disappoint. 

“Deadwater” by Wet

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV7ufuW0VFY[/embed]Nice, chill track for snowy weather. 

“I’ll Be Your Reason” by Illenium

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2Cu-OS5zhA&feature=youtu.be[/embed]I've seen so much hype about Illenium all over the internet. I finally caved in and gave his music a shot and came across this song. IT'S SO GOOD. 

“Ocean Eyes” (Blackbear Remix) by Billie Eilish

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQeQepATL_c[/embed]If you don't listen to Blackbear, you should. 

“Everything” by SMNM

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12JqqH2ubr8[/embed]When I first heard this song, I couldn't stop listening. I've slowed down a bit but it's still great to jam to on days like today. 

“Best To You” by Blood Orange

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACinCwmWalY[/embed]I had initially been introduced to Blood Orange a few months ago and haven't gotten sick of this song yet. 

“Love Is Alive” by Louis The Child & Elohim

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5VX4K85p4Y[/embed]Actually heard this for the first time last night. Newly obsessed. 

“Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yW7w8F2TVA[/embed]Perfect love song for a snowy day. 

“Jesus Christ” by Brand New

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjPyvoLXPs4[/embed]Oldie but goodie. 

“Love On Me” (Vibelingual Remix) by Galantis & Hook N Sling

[embed]https://soundcloud.com/vibelingual/love-on-me[/embed]Click here to read my write-up on this remix! 

“The Little Things” (Kasbo Remix) by Big Gigantic & Angela McCluskey

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MWBWrqaNdQ[/embed]Last but not least! "It's the little things in life that I feel." (Whenever I hear this song, I think of you, Steve Larsen.)  For more music like this, follow me on Spotify! I’ve created two playlists with these songs and similar ones called ‘Good Jams’ and ‘Ain’t Like The Others’ that you’d probably enjoy if you like the songs I listed above. 

4 Lessons Learned From My Recent Trip To Florida

Last week, I went down to Florida with my mom to visit my grandpa. We haven’t been down there in a while, so it was nice to not only get out of New York for a bit but to also spend quality time with him (which I’m sorry to say doesn’t happen often enough). I’ve been so caught up with working full-time again (one reason why I’ve been slacking on here) and doing a million other things that I haven’t had a chance to breathe or think.  During our four-day getaway, I finally had time to reflect -- and now I’m setting aside the time to write about my reflections and share them here with you.

Here are four lessons learned from my recent trip to Florida:

1) Family is irreplaceable.

You only get one family. Duh. However, it’s not that black-and-white. You are brought into this world and thrown into living with a group of people without choice. Sometimes you don’t get along with your family members, and I’ve found that’s fairly common. But sometimes you're lucky and become best friends with your siblings, cousins, and/or parents, and that's something special beyond comparison. Keep in contact with your loved ones and regularly tell them how much they mean to you. Hold them close, cherish the memories, make new ones, learn from them, and always kiss them hello and goodbye. You never know what tomorrow will bring. You only get one family.  

2) Love is the point of life.

My grandpa is 88 years old now (or 88 years young, rather -- he might have more energy at 88 than I do at 24). Any time and every time I see or speak to him, he never fails to remind me just how much I mean to him and how much I meant to my grandma (may she rest in peace) as well. If I had to, I couldn’t count how many times he’s told me the story of how they sold their place down in FL a few months after I was born just so they could watch me grow up... I couldn’t count how many times he’s described his six-decade-long fairy-tale relationship with my grandma and how lucky he is for striking jackpot twice in finding happiness again with his new girlfriend... I couldn’t count how many times he’s told me how much he loves me and my parents and my siblings... ...and every single time he does, I can’t help but smile nearly to the point of tears. “We’re something,” he said this week, as he spoke of the amount of love in our small family -- and we sure are. Love is the point of life. It truly is. There is absolutely nothing that compares and brings joy to a face like that which is brought about by love. Pure, happy, TRUE love.  PS: That's a photo of my grandparents from back in the day. Is that not the best thing in the entire world? 

3) Travel more often.

Life is too short not to experience it to the fullest. At times, it tends to become a routine of work, work, work, go to the gym, squeeze in time to see your friends and family, shower, prepare tomorrow’s lunch, try to fall asleep before midnight, repeat, and stress in between -- but that’s not a life at all. It’s time to book more vacations and quick trips both local and far to see the places you’ve always wanted to see. It’s time to stop worrying about how much it’ll cost to take off and do it. You need to just DO IT. And last but not least... 

4) Stop stressing.

Sitting in a window seat of a plane, looking down on the thousands of tiny, sparkling city lights, I couldn’t help but think about how minuscule our seemingly monstrous problems truly are. We tend to get so caught up in our daily lives that it becomes practically impossible to see outside the box. We become consumed by our thoughts and fail to realize that our issues don’t matter NEARLY as much as we perceive them to. Stop stressing and start smelling the roses. There are infinity things to take for granted and an equal amount for which to be infinitely grateful.  If you read this far, thank you! This was more of a personal post/diary entry than anything else and I hope someone somewhere reads it and takes something away from it.  Remember to keep your loved ones close, love more and more often, travel far and wide, and stop worrying so much. Life is way too short to do otherwise. 

Life & The Mysterious Powers Of The Universe

Just when you feel you can't handle any more, the weight is lifted off your shoulders. In your most dire moment of need, you receive what you've been lacking.When you feel the emptiest you've ever been, the void is filled. Right before you're about to give up, you're given the reassurance that you're exactly where you need to be. As you spiral down and hit Rock Bottom, a magical (metaphorical) springboard appears and bounces you back up, maybe even higher than before. I've found that in my happiest of times, things have happened that caused me to come crashing down -- hard, fast, and painfully. Just when I thought I finally had it all figured out, I had been thrown for the biggest loop of the century, leaving me confused, lost, and unsure of which way was up and which way was down. But I've found the exact opposite as well.During my weakest moments, I discovered strength I never knew I had. If I misplaced my faith, it slapped me across the face and reminded me it never left my side. When I didn't get what I wanted, I was actually being redirected toward what I needed. Whenever I lost my way, I found myself being led to the place I better belonged instead.Life has a funny way of testing your spirits and pushing your buttons, but things always seem to work out for the best. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be, and the universe has continually reflected the truth in and validity of those beliefs time and time again. This all may sound like silly poetry and/or word vomit, and it very well could be, but I felt an urge to share these thoughts with you right now. However you interpret this post, I hope you'll accept it as an honest, heartfelt confession of lessons learned from my past and recent experiences. My main point here -- what I'm trying to say is this:You have the power to turn things around and live your best life. You are granted the opportunity to put your best foot forward every single time you are blessed enough to open your eyes in the morning and see another day. With positive thoughts, good intentions, the desire to make a difference, and a little bit of stardust, you have the ability to change the world -- YOUR world and the worlds of others by association. The universe is a magical place full of wonder and beauty, ready and willing to reward those who acknowledge and admire its power. All you have to do is practice gratitude daily and truly, and I promise you will be taken care of accordingly.

A Tribute To 23 & A Toast To 24

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday, which means this is my last night as a 23-year-old. ...naturally, here I am, spending the last few hours of this birth year reflecting upon the past twelve months composed of successes, transitions, hardships, milestones, and major events.In my 23rd year, I created some of the best memories and relationships I’ve ever had. My first and only niece Chloé was born in January and has continued to changed my life for the better ever day since. I finally launched my very own writing blog, hawk + pearl. I traveled to California for a week and met my cousin for the first time. I saw several of my favorite artists perform live at venues on both sides of the country. I began a full-time job and had been promoted twice to the top of the department in six short months. I started going to the gym again. I rekindled old friendships and made new ones with those who have become some of my closest friends.In my 23rd year, I also endured quite possibly the most traumatic experience of my life. I had to say goodbye to one of the most special people I’ve ever had the blessing to meet, my friend and ex-boyfriend, Steve, after he passed away in June. I’ve had to completely re-adjust my way of thinking, acting, and living since that day, and now, almost five full months later, I’m still in the process of recovering and adapting to this new "normal."Needless to say, 2016 was one hell of a year. It was one full of experiences I will never forget and memories I will always cherish. Through it all, I've learned the valuable lessons of how important it is to 1) never take anything or anyone for granted and 2) always practice gratitude for the blessings in life, no matter how big or how small. Things can get crazy at times, but I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to be able to say that I have my health, my family, and my close friends beside me right now, just hours before my 24th birthday.So this is my tribute to 23 and a toast to 24. I am looking forward to this new age and the upcoming year of 2017 in hopes of happiness, success, and even more love and incredible moments than this past year has given me. Thank you, wholeheartedly, for reading this post, for caring enough to check out my blog, and for being a part of my life. I hope you’ll continue to join me on my journey and come along for the ride to see what this next year has in store.Cheers.

California Dreaming

I’ve been back in New York for about three days now after fulfilling my dream of going to California (hence why I haven't posted anything on here in a little while).Ugh.One week spent on the other side of the country is not long enough. I knew it would be different over there, but I didn’t comprehend just how different it could be until I went and found out for myself.In California, random people will smile and say "hello" to you and treat you kindly. Meals are made with natural/organic, local ingredients, and there’s free detox water composed of lemon, cucumber, and mint leaves in most shops. Veggie burgers are available for substitution by default in every restaurant. Mountains encompass beaches and overlook freeways. Sunshine and warm weather is an everyday norm. There are hiking trails with scenic views and tons of active people occupying the paths.Biggest problem? The traffic. I think that actually may be California’s only problem aside from the looming threat of an earthquake or tsunami at any given moment.If you smile at a stranger in New York, there’s a 50/50 chance of reciprocation. There’s a 100% chance of struggling to find a healthy restaurant that isn’t one of the three spots you regularly frequent. Annual weather alternates between cool, freezing cold, warm, and boiling hot. Gyms are our main location of activity because nature trails are in short supply. Okay, so New York truly doesn’t suck as much as I’m making it out to. Sure, it has its negatives, but on the flip side, it definitely has its perks.Diners are open 24/7 or until 3am. Bars serve alcohol past 10pm and are open later than 2am. We have AMAZING pizza and bagels. We also have changing seasons (if you’re into that kinda thing). If you live on Long Island like I do, there’s the valuable and oftentimes-taken-for-granted luxury of having everything within the span of a 40 minute drive, including but not limited to water, the city, farm life, and suburbia. There aren’t many people living in the US who can say they have that.Overall, the sights, the people, the food, the culture, the art -- the only word I could think of to describe California is inspiring. Everything is so full of life and emotion and passion and I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.Although I love New York because it’s my home, I want to go back out and continue exploring. This world -- more specifically, on an even smaller scale, this country -- is too full of different places and experiences to stay stuck in one place forever.Spend the money and take that trip you’ve always wanted to. Whether you’ve been dreaming of visiting a neighboring state, the other side of the country, or an entirely new one, do it. It may rip you out of your comfort zone or put you on a tight budget for a little while, but it’ll be worth it. I promise. Rant over.Until I attempt to cure my wanderlust with another trip sometime soon, I’ll be enjoying my Long Island sunsets and east coast living as much as possible, but chances are I’ll be west coast, California dreaming while doing so.

Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad!

Dear Mom and Dad,

Happy Anniversary!

36 years of marriage (plus 5 years before that) is a really long time to be with somebody else… like, a really, really long time. CONGRATS!I am the luckiest girl in the world to have parents like you. You care for our family and each one of us more than you care for yourselves. You give me strength when I’m lacking. You are there for me in a heartbeat no matter the time or situation. You support every single venture that I decide to pursue. You understand my sense of humor and spit it right back day-in and day-out. You are my parents but also my friends -- two of my best friends in the world.Thank you for being my inspiration on how to love somebody with your whole heart. Thank you for proving to me that a relationship doesn’t have to be boring, and it’s better to be sarcastic and silly and fun with one another than always so serious. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to let your walls down, and that it’s necessary to do so in order to be comfortable and entirely yourself with each other. Thank you for teaching me that love isn’t always butterflies and rainbows and unicorns, and it’s worth the fight when the person you’re fighting for is worth it. Thank you for being my example of unconditional love to look up and aspire to. I could never thank you enough for all of the lessons you’ve taught me. You have both shaped me into the person I am today, and for that I am forever grateful.Wishing you 36 more happy, healthy, love-filled years ahead, and a million more after that. I love you both more than words in a blog post can ever express. Always,Morgan

17 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

Reflecting back on my younger years, especially those during middle and high school, there are countless things I wish I had known back then. There are so many thoughts I wish I could have believed and so, so many lessons I wish I would have learned earlier. Here are 17 things I wish I could tell my younger self: 

1. Don’t follow the crowd. Be a leader. Be yourself.
2. Being “cool” means being nice, and being “popular” means absolutely nothing once you enter "the real world."
3. When you feel like things won’t get better, they will. Hang in there.
4. You will find love someday, and it will be worth the wait.
5. Being smart isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s completely and entirely the opposite. Playing dumb is unattractive. Study and strive to do well in (and out of) school. It will pay off.
6. Don’t pay mind to bullies. Their words do not hold any value. They’re going through shit, too, only they’ve decided to take theirs out on you.
7. Embrace your weirdness. Never let it go.
8. Take more pictures of yourself, your friends, your family, and experiences. You'll enjoy the ability to look back on them later in life.
9. Surround yourself with great people. Choose a solid group of friends who build you up rather than bring you down.
10. Find and follow your passion. Stick to your hobbies and don’t be ashamed of them. You could make a shit ton of money someday by doing what you love.
11. You are not fat. You are beautiful. Trust me, you’ll wish you could look like this in a few years.
12. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. You are perfect just the way you are.
13. Live it up while you don't have many responsibilities or bills to pay. Go out, have fun, and make memories that will last a lifetime.
14. Stop stressing. The little things that you worry about now are minuscule compared to worries ahead.
15. You are enough.
16. Appreciate your family. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them every single day. And keep in touch with your grandparents.
17. Please don’t rush growing up. Adulthood is not as alluring as you imagine it to be. Believe it or not, you’re going to dream of being back in your shoes someday. Enjoy every single moment to the fullest.

 What are the things you wish you could tell your younger self? Feel free to comment and share below. I’d love to hear them.  Thanks for reading! If you related to this post, please give it a share on Facebook or Twitter. 

It's Been Two Weeks Since You Passed: A Letter To Steven Larsen

In Loving Memory of Steven Larsen1991-2016

I went to your friend's party the other night for the fourth of July, but you weren't there. People were talking about you, but they spoke about you in the past tense. A friend said he made a song about you. A few of us were reminiscing about the time when we started dating. You should have been there. Your name should be spoken about in the present tense. You should have been at the Tap Room or some other party instead of somewhere we all can't join. The party was packed but it felt so empty. So many people, yet the one we truly wanted to see was you. And you weren't there. And you never will be.

It’s been two weeks since you passed… And it just still doesn’t feel real.

It's a fucked up feeling when someone passes away. It's confusion. Anger. Regret. Sadness. A whole bunch of emotions. I miss you so much and there's not a damn thing I can do about it except miss you even more. I have to accept the fact that you're not physically here with us any longer. I have to accept the fact that I won't be seeing you or hearing your voice or receiving texts or calls or snaps or sarcastic asshole Facebook and Instagram comments from you anymore. I have to accept the fact that I'll never see your smile or your baby blue eyes or the dimples on your cheeks ever again. I have to accept the fact that this is what it is now and there is no changing it. A piece of my heart had been taken along with you this past week. The peace of mind I had just two weeks prior has left me, and now I'm left with a fucked up semi-functioning brain to cope with this pain I don't even know how to deal with. I just don't even understand what I'm supposed to do or say, but I suppose there is absolutely nothing that can be said or done.You were taken from us way too soon. We had plans. We had places to go and people to hang out with and events to attend and fun things to do... Now none of it will ever happen. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but why the fuck did this happen? We will never know. It will never make sense. It will never ever make sense. You always made me so happy and could make me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met. Your spirit was unlike any other. You always looked out for everyone else and made sure everyone was having a good time. When we dated, I was so proud to call you my boyfriend. You were the epitome of a gentleman and a man's man. You knew how to have your fun and may have been deemed an "asshole" but you were always truly respectful and kind and full of love and joy. You always showed your best intentions because good intentions were all you ever had.I am so lucky to have known you. You were one of a kind, and I will never forget you or meet another like you. I will keep you alive through our memories. I will keep you in my heart and mind and think of you every day. I will speak of you in the highest regard and talk about you often. I will love you always. I will miss you forever. We all will.I hope wherever you are you are at peace. I hope you are with our loved ones who have also passed. I hope you're driving 200 MPH and having fun without worrying about cops or rules or laws (although I’m not too sure you ever did anyway). I hope you are looking after all of us. I hope you are smiling and enjoying your new life wherever you are and whoever you are with. I hope you know how much you were and are loved. I hope one day when I pass, you will be there to guide me to where you are and show me the ropes on how to send signs to those left behind as well as you do. You had told me when I saw you the Thursday before this happened that you had some blogging advice for me. You told me to be more transparent with my words. “When you read Lester’s blog, you can see him saying the shit he writes… but you look at my posts and can’t see me saying what I write.” Although I said okay and laughed it off and took your advice with a grain of salt, the fact that you, the guy who barely knew what BuzzFeed was when I was so excited to tell you I started writing for them, cared enough to read my blog means more to me than you’d ever know, and I wish I told you that.

So this blog post is for you. This one is straight from the heart, no bullshit, no words to evoke a reaction, no being “artsy” like you said I try to do. This one is completely and wholeheartedly for you, Steve.We will meet again one day, and I look forward to it. Wherever you are, please look after us all and continue to show us you are here in the ways you now know how. Rest and ride peacefully, Scuba. I love you and will miss you beyond words could ever say. Love always,Morgan